


Paradise by the Tiki Torch Light

by NervousAsexual



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: i swear to god everything in this story happened at some point in the last two years, misappropriation of Meat Loaf songs, we continue to be in so much trouble you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 10:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13479693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: The entirely true story of how one man courted white nationalists only for their love to go stale and dull.





	Paradise by the Tiki Torch Light

**Author's Note:**

> With respect to Steinman and Loaf and Russo

They remembered every little thing as if it happened only yesterday.

In fact it had not happened yesterday. What had happened yesterday was that Donald had bragged that, like Kim Jong Un, he too had a nuclear button, but his actually worked and was more powerful and much larger (sadly what he had not realized was that the button was a perfectly average size; twas only Donald's comically tiny hands that made the button look bigger). The day before that he'd just been hanging out in Florida. And the day before that, come to think of it, and the day before that.

But regardless, they remembered every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. They were parked at Mar-a-Lago, necking furiously in Steve Bannon's white convertible with the pin-up of Ronald Reagan in a thong painted on the side, and every alt right neo-nazi in the country was wishing they were Bannon that night.

From over the Mar-a-Lago fence Ted Cruz watched.

"Donald Trump, you are a rat," he said as a single tear rolled down his cheek, "but I have no desire to copulate with you."

And he wept, for he spoke words he did not mean.

By the light of the neo-nazis marching by with their blindingly white polo shirts and cheap tiki torches, Steve Bannon had never seen anyone looking so good in all his life.

"We're gonna go all the way tonight," Steve said when he drew back from Donald to catch his breath.

"Tonight's the night?" Donald asked. He pulled away.

"We're gonna go all the way and tonight's the night," Steve agreed, and he puckered up and put on the suicide squeeze. In the distance Ted Cruz fainted in sadness, but Donald put a hand to Steve's lips.

"I gotta know before we go any further," he said. "Do you love me?"

"Definitely," Steve said. He could see Donald's phone on the dashboard and he could see that Donald was composing a tweet on how there were good people amongst the white nationalists. He had never felt this way before. Usually when he had a good feeling he sold it to Reince Priebus, but this... this was something else.

"Will you love me forever?"

"Definitely," Steve said. He pictured all the young neo-nazis he could inspire with a prominent position with this sack of sweet potatoes.

"Will you never leave me?"

"Definitely."

"Do you need me?"

"Definitely." He could see himself now, starting youth programs for little alt righters where they could question the fundamental humanity of people different than themselves in some way.

"Then will you make me happy? Will you collude with me and Russia?"

"Def..." But as he spoke a shudder of fear ran over him. Russia? A foreign country? How could he be free to pursue his isolationist agenda if he were tied down to  a foreign country. "Um, why don't you let me sleep on that one."

"Do you love me?"

"I said let me sleep on it."

"Will you love me forever?"

"Baby, let me sleep on it."

"Do you need me?"

"Do you not know what it means to sleep on it?"

"Will you never leave me?"

"I'll give you my answer in the morning."

"I gotta know right now," Donald said. "Before we go any further, do you really love me, and will you collude with me and Russia forever?"

"Let me sleep on it!"

"Will you love me forever?"

"Let me sleep on it!"

"Will you love me forever?"

And Steve couldn't take it any longer, all his dreams were right there, and he swore at the general population of Jewish people but also that he would love Donald forever, that he would collude, he would do it all until the end of time.

But today?

Today he was praying for the end of time to hurry up and arrive. If he had to spend another moment with Donald he would probably commit battery and then have to threaten him and that was just too much.

Maybe back then he'd promised to love Donald to the end of time, but now his friends at Breitbart had left him and his name was worthless among all the isolationists. This had destroyed his life.

 He swore (at immigrants but also that) he wouldn't break his promise and wouldn't forget the vow, and yet he found himself mumbling to the press.

"It was long ago and it was far away," he told them, "but Trump in meeting with the Russians committed treason that day."

And as he repeated this to himself, over and over, he heard another voice, speaking over him, and when he turned to investigate he found Donald, too, was doing that thing where he said the same thing to the press over and over in slightly different ways in lieu of having actual points.

"It maybe used to be good, it was totally fine," he was saying, "but Stephen Kevin Bannon has lost his entire mind."

"It was long ago," he said again, louder, but Trump raised his voice too. "And it was far away... would you shut up?"

"You shut up," said Donald.

He couldn't speak to him that way! Only Steve Bannon could talk to people like that! "I... I... I hope you fall off the stage at one of your dumb rallies and your fans don't catch you."

"At least I still have fans."

Suddenly he was completely full up with rage and ready to beat somebody but he remembered the lawsuits and he practiced his breathing, and he put a hand on Donald's arm and said, "You know what? You're absolutely right."

"Of course I am. I'm a very stable genius."

Steve was not sure what that meant. "You're right. Look, we shouldn't be fighting like this, not in front of all these people." He waved an arm at the press, who were standing there wondering if maybe they should cut to a segment on whether dogs understood what Christmas was.

"I guess so."

"I'm sorry, Donald."

Donald looked at him and blushed. "I'm sorry too."

"And look, I've got something I want to say to you. Three little words I've been holding back for a long time."

_I love you_ , Donald mouthed, and smiled from ear to ear.

"Come on. Come here, I want to tell you. Three little words."

"I love you I love you I love you," Trump mumbled to himself, and sidled up beside him.

Steve put his lips against Donald's ear, took a deep breath, and with all his might he screamed, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"


End file.
